Kalamazoo, MI
one-hundred-forty Years of Service to the Student

Buzzkill

Squatters to Remain in Hicks Over Winter Break

Not all Kalamazoo College students are prepared to return home. Some want to stay and bask in the glory of K’s everlasting radiance by shacking up in Hicks Center for the extensive winter break. And most of the students remain confident in their survival skills.

Some members of the Kalamazoo Outing Club have already fully set up their camping equipment near the mailboxes. Students are warned to be cautious around the campfires of burning textbooks in the bottom floor of Hicks Center.

The marking of squatter territory in Hicks Center has not grown too combative as of yet, but the tension is in the air. Like fangirls outside a ticket sale for a boy band, groups have begun staking out prime Hick’s real estate.

Booths used for eating in Welles Dining are all spoken for. When anyone gets too close to a booth student squatters will begin hissing and throwing canned provisions.

“We can comfortably fit 6 people to a booth,” commented Sarah White ’16.

Although there is plenty of space left throughout Hicks, the squatters have chosen to parley in large groups. Larger groups have the advantage when the hunting and gathering starts on Nov. 27.

Some student hunting and gathering groups have begun preemptively searching for food. A small group of four took down an adult male buck just off campus. They began cooking it whole over a George Foreman grill in the Bookstore only to discover it was a plastic decoy used as target practice. They had assumed the punctures in its side meant that it had danced with death before.

“We are still getting the hang of it, we are not used to living like this,” explained a member of the amateur hunting group who wished to remain anonymous.

“When we saw the deer was not moving we just assumed it was playing dead, because, that seems like something deer might do, I don’t know,” commented Jacob Williams ’15, another member of the hunting group.

Although some students are more prepared than others, all of them are determined. Kalamazoo College is the place to be, even if this means living as a squatter in Hicks Center with minimal amenities. K students know what they want and they are going after it.

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Squatters to Remain in Hicks Over Winter Break