Kalamazoo, MI
one-hundred-forty-one Years of Service to the Student


Pig Roast Ends Sadly for Senior Students Who Wanted to See Skewers

They didn’t actually roast a pig, and if they had it would probably be too gruesome for us to print a picture of anyway…so here’s this construction paper craft by first year Emily Katz.

This year’s Senior pig roast left many seniors shocked. “There were taquitos, crab rangoons, and pulled pork,” said Johnny Babbert K’11. “I just can’t believe that we’re still serving any kind of pig at this event.”

Babbert’s feelings were echoed by many of the Seniors who attended the event. “Yeah, I know it’s called the senior pig roast, but the idea of roasting a delicious pig as a community is a little archaic, isn’t it?” asked Kelley Offerson K’11.

In years past Seniors would roast an actual whole pig, but for the last 2 years the vent has been hosted at the Roadhouse. The Roadhouse cannot accommodate roasting an entire pig at their establishment.

“Of course you can’t roast a pig at a classy joint like the Roadhouse,” said Babbert. “They don’t put snake oil in the food or allow blood sacrifices to Baal either.”

Some fringe groups has decided that they liked the Kalamazoo College tradition from ye olden time of skewering and roasting a slaughtered boar. Last year a group tried organizing an off-campus pig roast, but this year these radicals luckily seemed to have left town or moved back to the most rural areas of the deep, deep south.

Some have considered changing the name of the event, but that has met massive resistance as well. “I mean I’m all in favor of switching out pig for something more suitable like pickled herring, but I just can’t imagine not calling it the pig roast,” said Teddy Dowell K’11.

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Pig Roast Ends Sadly for Senior Students Who Wanted to See Skewers