Kalamazoo, MI
one-hundred-forty-one Years of Service to the Student


K Students: What are Your Resolutions?

The New Year provides an inspiration to many to get a fresh start or change the path they are on. Even if you have not made a resolution, it is not too late to commit to improving yourself during these twelve months. In fact a number of students at K have already made some amazing resolutions:

Dorothy “Jellybeans” McFuddle ’17 said that she was dead set on losing weight this year, and had even prepared a strategy for doing so.

She told us “I’ve decided to study abroad at the highest possible elevation, increasing the distance between the Earth’s center of mass and mine. I’ve tried losing mass before, but it just gets conserved.”

Jonathan Smith ’16 said he wanted to quit smoking.

He said “It’s just taking up so much space in my dorm room and I’m starting to get sick of the taste of venison and salmon.”

Many students, including Danny “the Manny” Winterson ’15 resolved to be more environmentally friendly. He said he was going to switch from lye to an organic solvent for dissolving the bodies. Eric Brodowski said he was going to save water by using a chamber pot and throwing the contents out his window “like the settlers did.”

Others, like Cristy D’Voss ’18, are challenging their beliefs. She told the Index she resolved to stop making sacrifices to D’Lak N’Shgral, saying “I just didn’t feel fulfilled by my service to the One of Accursed Name anymore.”

If these stories say anything, it is that it does not matter how you choose to change yourself, just so long as you do.

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K Students: What are Your Resolutions?