Kalamazoo resident Michael McKinnon was fishing in the Kalamazoo River when he made an unusual discovery.
“I thought I caught one of them Dubyutoo fish!” McKinnon explained, continuing, “but it was just a soggy stack of paper. This student came up to me and started asking me all these questions, and I thought, ‘wow, is Enbridge up to no good again? Has the water gone bad again? Is it not safe anymore?’”
Juliane Vanvaeck K’17, had seen McKinnon pulling out heaps of W2 forms attached to his fishing line and approached the Kalamazoo resident.
“I saw McKinnon pulling pieces of paper out of the water and I thought it was strange. Turns out they were W2 forms! Thankfully just a few files were found floating around in the river—it would be terrible if some institution in which I placed my trust and financial commitment somehow inexplicably lost everyone’s important and private information, ha! Wow, that’s the kind of stuff you read online,” Vanvaeck told The Index.
Larry Winter of Kalamazoo College administration explained to The Index how the W2 forms got to the river.
“We keep our most important files floating in little buoys in the [Kalamazoo River]. We figured it was the last place anyone with malicious intent would look, out in the middle of a cold and toxic stream. I guess sometimes people can catch a few if they’re fishing. This is something we’ll have to look into.”
Kalamazoo College was in fact recently awarded the International Association of Privacy Professionals’ highest honor on Kalamazoo College last weekend. The IAPP acknowledged the college’s long standing record of protecting the private information of students, staff, and faculty, despite its unorthodox practices of keeping private forms in publically accessible buoys.
“Kalamazoo is remarkable in that it employs all the most outdated training techniques and unorthodox information securing practices, yet the college maintains an impressive track record” described the IAPP auditor, after bestowing Winter with a shiny plaque.
After the first interview, McKinnon confessed to reporters, “I’m just sad I didn’t catch any Dubyutoos.”