Kalamazoo, MI
one-hundred-forty Years of Service to the Student

Buzzkill

Stupid Fire Alarm Goes Off Again

Look at it, just waiting to ruin your day..

HARMON HALL – On Monday, just before 7:30 AM, Harmon Hall’s residents were startled awake by the bright flashes and buzzing of the fire alarm. Many students torpidly rolled over and covered their heads with a pillow, trying to get back to sleep. However, some were willing to offer their thoughts to the Index.

“I don’t understand why anyone would pull it while everyone’s sleeping. Don’t they realize I’m hungover?” asked Carly McMarlie ’18.

“I’ve been binge watching House of Cards on Netflix since ten last night and I’m not going to stop just because of some stupid drill” Indira Advani ’17 told the Index as tendrils of smoke could be seen streaming through the top of her doorframe. She returned to staring glassily into her Macbook.

“Someone probably just burnt their breakfast in the kitchen. No way am I going outside in the cold for that” Thomas Framboise ‘16 told the Index.

Upon closer inspection, the kitchen was spewing orange fire, with black smoke filling the hallway. It is possible that this was the cause of the fire alarm, but the Index has yet to receive confirmation of this.

“God, is someone smoking something nasty? I swear, if *HACK* this happens again I’m *COUGH* going to call the RA” [sic] Clarissa Juttenheimer ’17 complained to the Index as she struggled to breath due to the dense smoke surrounding her.

“Let me turn on the fan. What the hell? Jen, *HACK HACK HACK GASP* did you break my fan?” Juttenheimer stated after discovering it destroyed by burning debris fallen from the ceiling.

However, Carl Broslavski ’15 made light of an otherwise unpleasant situation.

“Look at all these chumps freezing out here in their pajamas. As soon as I heard the alarm I got up, took a shower, and put on layers before heading out. See, I have my priorities straight” Broslavski bragged before paramedics placed an oxygen mask over his face and rushed him off in what they described as “dire condition”.

After hearing about the large number of student casualties through social media, the College released a statement saying “After listening to the many concerns of students here at K about fire safety, we have made the decision to 1) hold a community discussion on how we can do better and 2) increase the frequency of fire drills to avoid incidents such as this.”

1 Comment on Stupid Fire Alarm Goes Off Again

  1. Interesting post. Too many buildings don’t make fire alarm maintenance and testing a priority, which can end up in a disaster. It’s best to make regular testing and maintenance a habit, for safety as well as legal purposes. Not to mention the cost of repairs if anything did happen!

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Stupid Fire Alarm Goes Off Again