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Buzzkill

Co-editors in Chief Battle for Custody over The Index

In a recent lawsuit, Co-editors in Chief Janelle Grant K’17 and Janay Johnson K’17 of The Index have filed for custody over their once-collaborative work.

Despite their recent Orange and Black Award for Organization of the Year, the two can’t seem to make ends meet between them.

“Janay Johnson and I can no longer continue as Co-editors in Chief,” Grant said in her opening statement. “I’m just so tired of being mixed up with Janay—there’s too much alliteration between the two of us. I’m my own person, you know?”

The lawsuit is currently scheduled to continue until June 11 when Kalamazoo College President Jorge Gonzalez will ceremonially hand the latest copy of The Index to the victor onstage at her graduation ceremony. The loser, on the other hand, will receive the latest copy of Buzzkill.

“It pains me to say it but J and J is breaking up,” Johnson commented, explaining that the dynamic duo had to go their separate ways. “We’ve done everything together…we’ve worked together, lived together, laughed together, but now it’s time for us to go our separate ways. And, as much as I hate to say it, there can only be one winner.”

“Quite frankly, I believe that Janelle and Janay are just in denial,” Index Web Editor Andrew Parsons K’19 said. “They don’t want to face the fact that their work together, and their lives together, must come to an end after graduation. I think this would all be made easier if we learned to sit down together and truly communicate our feelings.”

Per Parsons’ suggestion, The Index editorial board has decided to take matters into their own hands—by locking the Co-editors in Chief in the organization’s office in the Hicks Center. “We recognize that this may be a bit unconventional,” Features Editor Meredith Ashton K’19 commented, “but we believe it’s necessary.”

Grant and Johnson have been confined to the Student Development Suite office for just over 27 hours now, with little movement. “It may take some time, but we will make them realize that this lawsuit over The Index is just a distraction from the pain they feel deep down when they think about graduating and going their separate ways,” next year’s news editor, Addie Dancer K’20, commented.


Buzzkill is The Index’s end-of-quarter satirical publication.

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Co-editors in Chief Battle for Custody over The Index