Mar. 24, 2017

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Kalamazoo, MI

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Est. 1877

Buzzkill

A Reach for Republicans

By

Kalamazoo College has a long tradition of striving for ethnic and cultural diversity. This has been reflected in the school’s investment in time recruiting and whom we encourage to enroll. However, the administration is finally turning its eye to a long neglected area: political diversity.

“Yeah, you really don’t see too many Republicans around here. I think there’s a couple of them who live in the same suite in Severn,” said Kent Brussels K’13. Many believe this lack of diversity has reached beyond the classroom and is affecting groups such as clubs and even the student newspaper.

The school plans to send teams of recruiters to more conservative areas. The author of this article was accidentally picked up when one of these recruitment teams stopped in Kansas. There are future plans to stop at RNC conventions, Tea Party gatherings, and, if any of the recruiters are willing, to a Donald Trump support rally.

Local Republican Susan Lizzleby K’12 was found and questioned in her dorm, “Is this it? Are they coming to eliminate us for good?”

She was assured that no elimination was forthcoming (that we’d heard of). “Oh, well that’s good. Recruitment? Yes, I’d love to see some more conservatives around campus just to keep things a little more fair and balanced at K,” said Lizzleby.

Groups being targeted for recruitment include Evangelicals, Libertarians, Tea Party members, and the people who haven’t heard that Obama did reveal his birth certificate.

This may lead to less fervent agreement in classes, but it could also bring more diverse speakers like Ron Kessler or Dick Morris. “Who is Dick Morris?” said Brussels.

1 Comment on A Reach for Republicans

  1. Martin Bergstrom // June 2, 2011 at 2:41 AM // Reply

    As amused as I was by this article, and despite the fact that I generally vote for Democratic candidates, I couldn’t help but be a little offended by the line referencing groups being targeted for recruitment. The included groups tend to fall, speaking in general terms, a little closer to crazy than I’d like to think most conservatives actually are. I of course realize that this is a satire piece and that it is in no way obliged to tell the truth or be politically correct. However, satire has the very real ability to highlight uncomfortable truths and force people to discuss issues. I viewed this otherwise highly amusing article as a wonderful way to initiate a discussion on the school’s ideological bend, but I fear that lines pandering simply to stereotypes and misconceptions merely detract from the discussion.

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